1.

I used to drink four to five cups of coffee in a day, 1 teaspoon sugar, black. Back when I was still working, my brain didn’t function without caffeine, and that is not tolerable. My brain had to stimulate daily because I was a teacher. Accordingly, and disconsolately, I had HTN. We all know that caffeine increases the risk of high blood pressure so bye-bye baby. No more coffee for me. By chance, I had HTN when I was already unemployed, the perfect time for being dumb, the perfect time for quitting. Now I am caffeine free, two months and still counting. I’m proud to be a quitter.

2.

White Day is Korea’s holiday celebrated on March 14. In Korea girls treat guys on Valentine’s and guys treat girls on White Day. To me, this day is very significant. I won’t tell you why.

3.

I was named after Ivan Lendl, tennis’s hotshot in the 80’s. That explains why tennis is the only sport I watch. He won 8 grand slam singles. I was born on the 8^th day of June. His game was mainly about strength. I am the strongest homosexual I know, I overdosed, almost had a stroke, and never fall in love. He was very fast on the court. I am a high-speed driver. He didn’t win Wimbledon. Me too. See the parallelism.

When we were kids Oths and I had tennis lessons. I gave up first because I couldn’t stand our trainer’s body odor. She quitted soon after because her Yemeni skin was getting darker.

4.

My third time in Bangkok with my firend Jaff and Mom was the best. My mom celebrated her birthday in one of the girly bars in Patpong. We were looking forward to see a live sex show because that’s what they advertised. We ended up watching girls give birth live on stage. My friend Jaffrey shook the girls’ hands after a horridly startling show. They extended their hands to mine and I didn’t want to be discourteous (After all, they made my trip worthwhile and edifying). I wanted to kill Jaff but not after I wash my hands with alcohol and soap. My mom pretended that both her hands were hurting.

When they found out that it was my mom’s birthday, they brought out a cake with lots of candles. The thoughtful girls of Patpong went to our table to sing my mom a birthday song. We were so grateful until we saw the straws jammed in their genitalias. Collectively, they climbed up the table and blew the candles.

5.

I miss you!